U.S. Government Stages Fake Coup To Wipe Out National Debt


FINANCIAL FALLOUT SHELTER Welcome back
to the Financial Fallout Shelter, with the national debt now
more than ten trillion dollars. The White House today enacted
an emergency plan to eliminate all of the United State’s
financial obligations to foreign nations by faking a violent
coup of the American government. The coup is expected
to take much of the strain off of America’s real economy,
providing the global community does not discover the rules. The fake coup began at 10am today,
when fake rebel leader Octavius Del Monte stormed congress and pretended
to kill several congressmen. Hear my words China, Japan,
and the United Arab Emirates. The United States of America and
all its vast debt, no longer exists. Henceforth, this land will be called Octavia.
Do not even try to collect funds owed. The militants brandished
plastic guns and wore costumes, lawmakers stayed up late
last night making themselves. I believe you
have the wrong room, sir. Ooh! Oh!
– What is the meaning of this? Be quiet, woman! After a five-minute mock
battle, Congress and the President ceded control of the nation to Octavius,
who is believed to be played by Deputy Secretary of Agriculture,
Charles Connor. You know how when
someone dies and all their debts go away,
and no one has to pay them? Well, this is like that,
except with countries. The Countries’
creditors will be told the paper containing the country’s
debts was destroyed in the scuffle. Someone save
the record of our debts! Congress will
also use computer graphics to simulate some of the fake coup’s
more complicated details, such as the explosion that
blows-up the treasury building. Representatives on both sides
of the isle said the plan was the best option left
for lowering our debt after ideas like burning down the country
for the insurance money and disguising the nation
as Canada were deemed infeasible. The White House is also asking
all American citizens to call their friends
in other countries to complain about the
new dictatorship. And in accordance with
pretending to comply with Octavius’
media control policy, this network will
now be broadcasting Octavia’s National Anthem
for three hours every day. Thank you for watching
and god bless Octavia. STILL AHEAD: OCTAVIA ANNOUNCES
PLANS TO APPLY FOR CREDIT REPORT




Comments
  1. Why not keep the gold they are holding for other coutries. They have a history of taki g gold thats not theirs when they need the money

  2. Marco Bubio is trying to do something similar. Huawei demanded to pay for the license fee, $1B, for 130 patents that Verizon has been using. Marco Rubio proposed that the US will not longer grant patent right and they will be all null. The problem is that Chinese companies have been paying about $10B annually to various US companies for the various patents. That will be gone, too.

  3. Trump is going to see this and legit think its a valid way to fix the economy.
    I mean it's how he usually does business…

  4. So…I guess the deepstate was planning this.
    The Economist 1988 Phoenix coin was supposed the replace the dollar in 2018.
    To bad Trump won. That's why they hate him.
    He cock blocked their plans.

  5. The mighty United States owe china A LOT OF MONEY and you know what?? China owe to SAUDI ARABIA 😂. So who have more money here?

  6. Or just remove the female vote, remove the welfare system and wola, you can cut 70% or more of the tax spendings. You know . . . the reason the doubt came in the first place. And maybe now you can stop bombing other conteries to keep the petro dollar going.

  7. Damn. Saddest part of this is the $10 trillion part. Trump is currently blowing up the debt – $22 million and counting.

  8. exactly 10 years later, and the US national debt stands at over 100% of the US Real GDP. Thanks President Trump! How come when Republicans pile on debt to help the upper 1% and spend money on the military industrial complex its a-ok! But when Democrats attempt to spend money to stimulate the economy and help working people, the debt starts to matter again? This country is truly fucked.

  9. In the light of recent events in the 4th world United States of America how many Countries would come to America's assistance
    Irish citizen

  10. I live in Canada.

    …what? The American flag? No I just like the US. Same with the money. And the yardsticks. And the warm weather is from global warming, obviously. I promise you, you’re in Canada!

  11. The Onion brings the truth! Sovereign debt cancellation has been used throughout history. It's one of the better ways to fix a broken currency.

  12. And suddenly, the credit rating of Octavia plummets from the entity they took over from, the erstwhile United States of America and starts to resemble Isis: no electricity, no water, no food, no nothing, but also no debt! Yay!

  13. You’re laughing now, but the onion has already correctly predicted political developments.

    Just wait a few more years…

  14. Wow…the national debt literally just doubled to 20 trillion dollars and no one cares. Oh wait.. Republicans only care about the debt when democrats bring a bill forward. When a Republican beings a bill forward they look the other way.

  15. 0:24 "Does Sarko hate the French"
    I wonder if it really was in the Guardian or if the Onion had some fun… but thanks for that laugh anyway !

  16. LOL trump should totally try this. I give him maybe another 10,000 tweets before the notion starts becoming appealing to him.

  17. Blowing up the U.S. to collect insurance money sounds like 9/11. And this was accurate except for one thing. It's not a coup on themselves that the U.S. stage but a coup on other countries. The debt is not an issue as long as oil rich countries sell in dollars. Once they stop, that's when they are declared dictators and a war or a revolution takes place and they're replaced.

  18. Soo… fake coup to wipe debt. Love it. Real authoritarian crackdown? (Under the pretenses of a pretend authoritarian crackdown to sell the debt coup?) Fucking brilliant. Stop giving them ideas.

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