U.S. Diplomacy with Israel, Donald Trump-Style: The Daily Show


Now, guys, I know that
the last month has been rough. But today, I remembered that life with Donald Trump
can also be pretty funny. I mean, we all agree Donald Trump is going
to destroy the world. But we cannot deny that
it’ll be an amusing destruction. Yeah, it’s like an asteroid’s
headed to earth, -but it’s shaped like a penis.
-(laughter) You know what I mean? You’re
like, “Ha! Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha!” I was thinking about this today because Trump had
his most important meetings with a foreign leader yet when Israeli Prime Minister
Benjamin Netanyahu came to (imitating Trump):
the very famous White House, and, uh, had a conversation. And, look, peace
between Israel and Palestine is one of those problems that
no one has been able to solve. It’s so complicated. There’s settlements,
there’s violence, there’s border lines,
there’s terrorism. For a century, the sides haven’t
been able to come together. But Trump isn’t worried at all. Just listen to him
give his views on whether Israelis
and Palestinians should live in two separate states or one. So, I’m looking
at two-state and one-state, and I like the one
that both parties like. I’m very happy with the one
that both parties like. I can live with either one. I thought for a while
the two-state looked like it may be the easier
of the two, but honestly, if Bibi
and if the Palestinians, if Israel and the Palestinians
are happy, I’m happy with the one
they like the best. (laughter) Did this guy
just tell us the problem like it was the solution? Here’s what he said. “Now, what you need is that
everyone agrees with each other. “Yeah, I don’t know why
this took you guys so long. There we go. Done. Done.” Trump would be the best
hostage negotiator ever. Just be like: Whatever makes
both the hostages and the hostage takers happy,
that works for me. Let’s work together, guys.
Come on. Oh, yeah, here’s another thing. -Uh…
-(laughter) Really? Really? We’re gonna… This is… this is not… Please, can we… Thank you. Uh, I hate…
I hate those promos. Sorry. Uh, you know what, watching
Donald Trump’s diplomacy is a surreal experience. Because…
because what’s the one thing most leaders struggle with
when talking to Israel? It’s figuring out how to broach
the sensitive topic of illegal settlements. But as I said,
most
leaders struggle. As far as settlements,
I’d like to see you hold back on settlements for a little bit. Uh, we’ll, uh,
work something out. (gasps, laughter) Okay, I-I’m sorry.
Donald Trump is a genius. (laughter) No one has ever thought to just
straight-up ask Netanyahu to stop the settlements. Like… he just…
he just asked him. He asked him like a neighbor telling him
to turn down the music. Hey, uh, you’re gonna turn down
the music, right? Can you just turn it down?
Right? Do you mind? Do you mind
just turning it down? Yeah? All right, cool.
What’s the next issue? Let’s move on. Even… Look at Netanyahu,
in his eyes. Even he does not know
what to do… (laughter) …with the man
they call El Donaldo. I think we’re gonna make a deal. It might be
a bigger and better deal than people in this room
even understand. That’s a possibility. So let’s see what we do. That’s right. Doesn’t sound too optimistic,
but that’s… You can see Netanyahu’s like,
“Who the (bleep) is this dude?” (laughter) You know… Trump is either a genius
or he is the biggest idiot the world has ever seen. ‘Cause I honestly wonder
if Trump’s plan is to be such a bumbling fool
that Israel and Palestine are gonna get together
in a room and be like, “I think we can both agree,
that guy’s a (bleep) moron. -(laughter, applause, whooping)
-“That guy’s a (bleep) moron. We better solve this problem
before he tries to help out.”




Comments
  1. I love it that Trump says he will make America great again, but after the election the whole world thinks :
    -he is an idiot
    -we all should laugh about the US
    _all Americans are ideiots because they elected this idiot( I know not all americans voted for him but you are voted the way that at the end you ended up with Clinton and Trump)
    He really does not make america or its image great again.

  2. Hi Daily Show! You do realize that this video is now relevant again? Particularly since President Trump allegedly dropped Israeli intelligence to the Russians visiting in the White House. – Rick Kepple Studio Manager at DR J Studio LLC.

  3. Its telling but not surprising,  how, all of a sudden people like to imply netanyahu's neverending settlement construction is a "sensitive " and  overly complicated issue. Practically  all previous  presidents have approached this issue "sensitively"   and guess what? NOTHING EVER HAPPENS. They were all bought off by israeli pressure and their well rooted insidious influence.
    How else are you supposed to stop a psychopathic country from illegally stealing more land?..  no wait im sorry I think I get it now! This is how Ito should sound – oh hey umm Iswael can you like pwetty pwease stop buiwdding more settlements pwease?  Is that politically correct enough for you people?

  4. If Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was listening to this Weasel's nonsense and reading some of the hateful, vile, posted comments  …Netanyahu would use the Yiddish word, schmucks. Yes indeed he would.
    " No one gets away with Mocking Our Creator God and His True Servants."

  5. fricknfrakle #!/€£?&pnhv dry bug ddh facts schon ttfm g imbibe trump language of ignorant babbling

  6. And the UN has documented hundreds of child sexual abuse cases, in which the IDF engaged in mass child rape campaigns [of Palestinian boys]. But hey, if catholic priests can get away with raping lil boys, its only fair [other] Zonists can do It too, right?

  7. I'm far from a Trump supporter, but who knows. Maybe getting Netanyahu and Palestine leaders together in a room with Trump might actually work. They would actually have a good laugh, possibly give a little in one way or another and come to an agreement. Maybe unintentional comedy would work.

  8. It can be solved. All Zionists should leave Palestine and return back to Europe. Israel is just there occupying space to destabilize the region.

  9. the man is beyond incompetent. the worst thing is a man that knows nothing and knows not . Actually the worst thing is one that has power

  10. Omg how fucking stupid is he? He has no clue what the fuck he is talking about. Please don't let him mingle with anybody ever again. Put him in the fallout shelter and seal the door shut. He gets more ridiculous by the day. Make him stop. Please.

  11. Had the Arabs not attacked Israel in 1948 and in 1967 there would have been no settlements in the first place. And 900,000 Jews would not have been expelled from Arab countries.

    The fool is Noah. He has made Antisemitic racist comments in South Africa and on Al Jazeera.

  12. I can't get enough of this video! What I want to know is was it Trump who had the idea to put that gaudy chandelier tree between the two of them to show his wealth? It's the center of attention and distracts from the nonsense Trump is saying. Someone realized the idiotically of it & had it moved & rearranged the flags.

  13. Hi
    I m from India….watch ur show daily… just love it so much…. u r mindblowing trevor … huge huge fan

  14. I love this show and i love this guy. 😂😂
    I mean, I'm from German and a lot of things here are fucked up, but I am so happy that i live here 😂😅❤

  15. Didn't vote for Trump or Hillary….Here's the reason why I didn't vote for Trump HE"S AN IDIOT ….A FIVE YEAR OLD IDIOT!!!!

  16. Trump probably knows we have flying saucers and he realized that Reagan's speech to the UN in 1986 has the answer: "“Perhaps we need some outside, universal threat to make us recognize this common bond". Trump is the universal threat is this plan.

  17. Iran deal: $150,000,000,000
    Funds given to Hamas: $500,000,000
    The look on Israel's face when they're betrayed by Obama's anti-Semitic policies: Priceless

  18. Lol this libs… good stuff I honestly had fun, there is no need to blame Obama or Hillary, this is on Trump, hypothetically if things do improve in the middle east… what will you say?

  19. It is December 2017, and Trump’s deal to Israel was to give it Jerusalem! Told u he’s a fking genius man, just a bit crazy

  20. Very pity the american people are led by a big mouthed squirrel like a trump … it shows that the trump supporters are the same as the leader … a big mouthed funk.

  21. Today I actually looked for references of Jerusalem in the Torah and the Qur'an (Qud) and found some interesting information

  22. Good job Mr. President for some common sense policy regarding this issue :D,#leftiesareretarded #MakeAmericaGreatAgain

  23. The fourth estate is going mad, stick to journalism not entertainment, to combine the two one requires talent, vulgarity doesn't help.

  24. Future News: Marco Rubio did the exact reverse recently, stating the solution like it was the problem. Only, luckily, Marco is quite as stupid as Trump.

  25. Trump really is like a grade schooler who didn't read "Moby Dick" and is standing in front of the class trying to burn through the three minute oral report. Its just amazing.

  26. – "And in that day will I make Jerusalem a burdensome stone for all people: all that burden themselves with it shall be cut in pieces, though all the people of the earth be gathered together against it." -Zech 12:3

  27. I think this is what happened with the Koreas. They both realized Trump is an idiot and settled things before he could.

  28. Yeah of course no late night host can express their honest opinion about this issue
    No late night host has the balls to say NO this should stop isreal should stop killing
    They always say it’s complicated
    Have some balls Trevor don’t be like that.
    You were always against people who have power over less capable people
    Even though i know he won’t read this comment but i gotta say I’m just disappointed with you

  29. I like how Liberals keep complaining and saying he's gonna destroy the world, while completely ignoring the fact that in 2 years he fixed more things than Obama managed to ruin in 8. He made peace with North Korea for god's sake. But yeah. Ignore all that. Instead just be a NPC. Orange man bad

  30. Tbh, that is the only role America should play in Israel. We shouldn’t decide anything for them, and they should deal with it themselves.

    I do however think we should charge Israel with war crimes though.

  31. there is your collusion….while your worried about russia…..lol…really is this really hard to figure out america and israel is tring to take over the world well really just their governments are tring to

  32. The problem isn't complicated at all Trevor. Israel was formed on land that isn't there and is still taking land that isn't theirs.

  33. Hi Trevor, I thought that Israel was a person . Israel's name before was Jacob! The Bible says so, or am I as crazy as my country's leader

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