-You guys, today was the 20th
day of the government shutdown. A lot of people are saying that President Trump has
backed himself into a corner. And Trump said,
“That’s impossible. The Oval Office
doesn’t have any corners.” [ Laughter and applause ] “I’m not an idiot.” [ Applause continues ] That’s right — it’s Day 20. Everyone’s fighting.
People are exhausted. There’s no end in sight. It’s basically like playing
a game of “Monopoly” with your family. It’s like, “Oh, just…”
[ Cheers and applause ] “Just bankrupt me, Dad!” [ Applause continues ] I saw that, today, federal
workers protested the shutdown outside the White House. It didn’t help when Trump
opened a window and yelled, “Don’t you have jobs to go to?!” [ Applause ] It’s not good.
Due to the shutdown, the FDA has rolled back
their food inspections, or as romaine lettuce put it, “I’m back, baby!
Yeah, boy! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!” ♪ The Venga bus is comin’ ♪ ♪ Ba-ba ba-ba ba-ba ♪ ♪ New York and San Francisco ♪ [ Rhythmic clapping ] -Romaine. -Oh.
[ Laughter ] Guys, today,
President Trump flew to Texas and visited the southern border. But before leaving for Texas, Trump spoke to reporters
about the shutdown and said Democrats
have been taken over by young crazy people.
-Oh. -Yeah, because
when I see this picture, I think, “What a bunch
of young crazy people.” [ Laughter and applause ]
-Whoo! [ Applause ] -Ahh.
-But earlier today, Trump claimed that
he didn’t throw a temper tantrum during his meeting
with Democrats. Check this out. -I didn’t pound on tables. I didn’t raise my voice.
That was a lie. I didn’t smash the table. I should have,
but I didn’t smash the table. [ Laughter ] -He sounds like the Hulk
apologizing. “Trump no yell. Trump no smash.”
[ Laughter ] “Trump no smash. No yelling and smashing.”
[ Laughter ] “I should have smashed,
but I didn’t yell.” [ Laughter ]
-Yeah! -Today, Trump also said he’s prepared to declare
a national emergency to get money
for his border wall. It’s pretty historic for Trump. This will be the first thing he
declares that’s not bankruptcy. [ Laughter ]
Hey, oh! -Oh, hey, mm! [ Cheers and applause ]
-Mm! Well, I saw that “Fox & Friends” host
Brian Kilmeade said Trump using
a national emergency to get the wall
would set a terrible precedent. And Trump said, “Wait.
What did you just call me? I’m a great precedent.” [ Laughter ]
“I’m a great precedent.” He thought he said… -“President.”
-That’s correct. -But he didn’t —
he said “precedent.” -What’s that? -He said “precedent,”
not “president.” That was the confusion.
-That’s correct. -‘Cause you —
No, he thought that Brian, the guy from Fox said
that he was a bad president. -Right, but he didn’t.
-What’s that? -He said he set a bad precedent,
not president. Trump thought,
in your joke construction, thought that he said
“president.” [ Laughter ]
-That’s correct. -But in fact,
the word used was “precedent,” which is very close,
but since Trump is known for malapropisms
and stuff like that… -Sure, sure, sure, sure.
Sure, sure. -The humor is in that
he heard the wrong word, but then still used that
wrong word to explain himself, whereas a normal person
would say, “Oh, I’m not a bad president,” he said “bad precedent” again,
not realiz– [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ]
In case you were wondering. -Oh, I get it now.
-You know what I mean? -[ Laughs ]
[ Applause continues ] -Oh, I just wanted —
-Do you get it now? -Well, because of
the construction of the joke, that’s hilarious.
-Yeah, yeah. [ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ] -Guys, did you hear about this? Mattel just came out
with a new Magic 8 Ball called the Trump Magic 8 Ball. It’s like a Magic 8 Ball, but with Trump
answering your questions. And good news —
we actually have one here. It’s time for
“Trump Magic 8 Ball.” Here we go.
[ Cheers and applause ] -♪ Trump Magic 8 Ball ♪ ♪ Trump has an 8 Ball ♪
-♪ Yeah ♪ -This Magic 8 Ball is filled with the wisdom
of President Trump. You can ask it
any personal question you want, as long
as it’s a yes-or-no question. Then you give it a shake, and the
President of the United States will answer your question. Who wants to give it a try? One person, perfect. All right,
I guess you will give it a try. Stand up, buddy. Hey, what’s your name
and where are you from? -I’m Dan.
I’m from Orlando, Florida. -Orlando, hey!
-Yeah. [ Cheers and applause ]
-Have you — Have you gone on our ride yet?
What are you talking about? We have a ride.
-I know. -It’s just like being here.
But I guess you just wanted… -I’m sorry.
Yeah, I wanted the real thing. -You wanted the real thing.
-That’s what I should’ve… -Yeah, absolutely, yeah.
-Yeah, yeah. -How close are you
to the theme park? -Like 20ish minutes.
-[ Chuckling ] What? [ Laughter ]
Have you been to the — We have a —
our own roller coaster. -Yeah.
-Yeah. -I’ve heard about it.
I just haven’t gone. I’m sorry. I wanted to go to
the real thing. -It’s a good roller coaster.
It’s like a good — -I’ll try it out.
Yeah, I’ll try it out. [ Laughter ] Sorry.
-No, it’s okay. Are you from Canada, as well? -No, well — No, why?
-Cause I thought you just said, [Canadian accent]
“I’ll try it out. I’ll try it out.”
-Oh, did I say it like that? -Yeah, I think you did.
-I didn’t mean to. -Well, you’ll see it back on TV,
and you’ll be like… [ Laughter ]
All right. Anyways, what personal question would you like to ask
the Trump Magic 8 Ball? -Let me think.
-Could be anything. -I want to know, can I eat 80 chicken nuggets
in one sitting? [ Light laughter ]
That’s what I want to know. -That’s the question
you would like to ask the Trump Magic 8 Ball?
-Yes, yes. -Any question you want to ask.
You want to ask if you can 80… -Can I eat 80 chicken nuggets
in one sitting? 80. 8-0. -You want to ask the President
that instead of… -Yes, that’s what’s
most important to me. -…instead of yourself. Okay, understood.
-Yeah. -Trump Magic 8 Ball, can he eat 80 chicken nuggets
in one sitting? Is that correct?
-Yes. -I think you probably could. -You tell me what you think. I don’t think so.
I don’t think. -He says he doesn’t —
He says he doesn’t think so. [ Applause ]
-It’s a bummer. -Go to the theme park.
Go to the theme — Who else?
Raise your hand. [ Cheers and applause ]
Who else? Yes, sure.
Get up, sure. Hey. How you doing? How you doing?
-Hi. I’m Melissa. -Melissa, where are you from?
-Long Island, New York. -Long Island! I love it!
[ Cheers and applause ] Melissa, have you been on our
roller coaster on Long Island? No, I’m just kidding.
We don’t have one. -Yeah, I was just gonna say — I have no idea.
-No. Yeah, thank you. What personal question
would you like to ask the Trump Magic 8 Ball? -Um… Jimmy, can I have $100? [ Light laughter ] -From the 8 Ball? [ Laughter ] I mean,
are you asking me for $100? -Yeah.
-All right. I think I know
what the answer is. [ Laughter ]
I don’t have any cash on me. All right.
Let’s give it a shake. -Okay, Magic 8 Ball,
can I have $100? -President Trump,
do you think I should give — am I going to give
this person $100? -You can’t ask for that.
How ridiculous! [ Applause ]
-Fair enough. -Right. Thank you.
He’s right. He’s right. Who’s — Who’s — Who else? Yes, hey, buddy.
Come on, stand up. [ Cheers and applause ]
How you doing, pal? Nice to see you, buddy. What is your name,
and where are you from? -My name’s Joe,
and I’m from Jersey. -Yes, New Jersey in the house. Come on!
[ Cheers and applause ] Joe from Jersey, we have
the Trump Magic 8 Ball here. You can ask it anything. People have asked it,
can they eat 80 chicken nuggets? Someone tried to have it
convince me to give them $100. You can ask anything.
It’s a Magic 8 Ball. What would you like to ask
the Trump Magic 8 Ball? -Will I ever be able
to do the Floss dance? [ Laughter ] -Wow.
I mean, that’s a tough dance. The Floss dance — I know.
I see the disappointment. [ Laughter ] It looks like you’ve tried
to do it in the past, and you’ve failed. Okay, is there a need to do
the Floss dance, or not really? -Not really.
-Not really. Of course. All right, well,
it’s a great question. Let’s give it a shake. Let’s see what President Trump
has to say. Will he ever be able
to do the Floss dance? -We’re gonna very soon find out. Maybe I’m not right,
but, usually, I’m right. [ Laughter ] -That’s —
That’s a cryptic answer. But maybe we will find out. Roots, do you have a beat?
Maybe. [ Mid-tempo music plays ]
I mean, you’re on TV. [ Cheers and applause ]
You’re on TV. -Why not? -Do you have a family
or kids watching? -They’re gonna be
so embarrassed. -Do you have kids watching?
-I do. I have two. -Oh, you have two kids.
What’s their names? -Lorelai and Matthias.
-Check out your dad doing the Floss dance
on national television. Go for it. Try it. [ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ -[ Laughs ] Oh, my God. -What?
What just happened? Thank you for playing. That’s all the time we have for Trump Magic 8 Ball,
everybody. [ Cheers and applause ] -♪ 8 Ball,
Trump Magic 8 — 8 Ball ♪ ♪ Trump Magic 8 Ball ♪ -Oh! That was fantastic. That was pretty good, actually.
-[ Laughs ] I liked it. Oh, guys, listen to this —
today, Lady Gaga apologized for making a song with R. Kelly
back in 2013. Gaga says she hopes her fans
can move on from this embarrassing moment and enjoy her new duet
with Kevin Spacey. [ Audience groans ]
Now, hey, guys, I get — -[ Laughs ] [ Laughter ]
-Whoo! [ Laughing ] -And finally,
it was reported that, during his meeting
with Democrats yesterday, Trump got so mad
that he stormed out of the room. It was the first time
Trump did something stormy without having to pay $130,000.
[ Cheers and applause ] We have a great show tonight.
Give it up for The Roots!