The Third Democratic Debate


-Let’s get to the news. The third Democratic debate
was held in Houston tonight and featured
10 Democratic candidates and, thanks to gerrymandering,
four Republicans. President Trump’s
re-election campaign displayed an aerial banner
in Houston today ahead of tonight’s third
Democratic debate. And, honestly, Trump has
got to give it a rest. [ Cheers and applause ] The U.S. Patent Office
has announced that it denied a request from
the Ohio State University to trademark the word “the”
for use by the school’s athletic
department. And to really rub it in, they
signed it off from “The U.S. Patent Office.” According to reports, members of
the House Judiciary Committee have begun privately mapping out
a possible list of charges against President Trump
that could serve as a basis for impeachment,
though it might be easier to make a list of why
he shouldn’t be. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said
today that Democrats are still following
a strategy of, “legislate, investigate,
litigate.” Well, I hope
they don’t hesitate, ’cause it’s getting late,
and at this rate, we’re going to have
a police state. Major League Baseball has set
a new record for most home runs in a season after players hit
over 6,106 home runs, with several weeks remaining. So it turns out,
Mr. President, walls don’t work. [ Cheers and applause ] According to a new report, Triple Crown-winning
horse Justify failed a drug test last year and
should not have been allowed to run in the Kentucky Derby. Not only that,
he had two D.U.I.s. And, finally, after selling out
of their new chicken sandwich, fast-food chain Popeyes
has launched a new campaign that encourages customers
to order a three-piece
chicken-tender meal and then place them in a
bun that was brought from home. Though I got to say, their
campaign is a little aggressive.




Comments
  1. There was a republican on stage: joe biden

    And he said “No white collar criminal should ever go to jail”

    Actually he said non-violent but do you think the Sackler family should be in jail… what about trump or his Russian spy friends?

    Please God Kill Joe Biden Today!!!!!!!!!🙏

  2. These debates are absolutely pointless until there are about 4 people left on stage. How the hell are we supposed to get a clear picture of everyone’s goals if none of them have enough time to get their message out?

    I’m a Bernie Sanders supporter only because I already know what he stands for thanks to his consistency. I really can’t honestly say that I have any clue what Biden or Elizabeth Warren have planned for the future, because neither of them have had a real opportunity to really have a debate with ACTUAL CANDIDATES who stand a chance of winning.

    I’m sorry but it’s time for everyone polling below Yang to just drop out and try again next time.

  3. Thank you for calling it out for what it is. The government moving us toward a police state. Half of Trump's initial 14 executive orders are focused on making this easier. They are getting rid of primary elections, and soon, all elections.

  4. People and the electorate vote in the president. The president picks the VP. If the president goes the whole Administration should go nobody voted for those clowns🤡

  5. Those were some real knee slappers Seth… how do you manage to be this unfunny? Does Keenan Thompson produce your show now?

  6. The last thing America needs is A Biden Vs Trump race. Who touched who, where, and how much.
    It should be obvious to the Democrats that the men in the current race should step aside. Eighteen percent floaters remain to fight over. Being a woman in that case is a huge advantage. Ride the wave, its a winner

  7. Holy crap what a shitshow last night. Trump and Racism 2 main talking points. It's a shame Trump will get re elected because the democrats blackballed Tulsi Gabbard and Andrew Yang.

  8. The Popeyes chicken controversy is real. Why make the chicken sandwich in such small amounts? Is there a shortage of chicken? Is this s marketing move? Is this legal? Do I have to sue in order to try one?

  9. Politicians should be replaced by computers design to take down the information of all the people in that country.

    Calculating what their needs are to keep them from being harmful to anyone and/or themselves.

    The only other calculation we need is the resources that the planet develops.

    Politicians do nothing but make deals on money matters and apparently the only people who care about money still are a few extremely rich people, so why aren’t we just creating the system around our needs yet?

  10. Since,
    it's obvious,
    that you don't know the English Language,
    It's not THEE!
    THEE means ME!
    THE Word Was "THE"!
    No Extra "E"!
    See the Difference?
    Or
    Are You just a plain Idiot?

  11. Are the Democrats serious? Are these the best and the brightest to lead America? God, why have you abandoned America? Let’s get Jamie Dimon to lead this country – at least it’s someone who knows what’s wrong with this country and knows how to fix it.

  12. Jeez…. late night talk shows really went down hill. Searched for the last DNC debate and this garbage popped up. Just a bunch of bad Trump jokes; pandering to a small percentage of the population won’t get you new viewers. I certainly won’t watch him again. His Trump jokes aren’t even funny like Colbert’s. Just sad

  13. To hear about how Bernie plans on fixing things, I highly recommend you watch the interview he did with Joe Rogan last month. It has almost 10 million views. Then read the comments. You won’t regret it.
    Video: Joe Rogan Experience #1330 Bernie Sanders
    https://youtu.be/2O-iLk1G_ng

  14. I mean STFU already, if you say you’re gonna talk about the damn debate…talk about the damn debate. This shit’s getting old really fast! If you really want Trump out of office so freaking badly, why wouldn’t you highlight some things that was said at the actual debate. Inform the American people, give them the opportunity to make an educated decision. Yes, we can all joke about Trump. That’s been going on for 2 years now. I understand that your show is satirical, but sometimes you have to push some things aside to help people understand things. If you want to make jokes, make jokes about the democratic candidates that are dumb af or the ones that are missing a few marbles. We’re already at the point in time where people liking Trump or not has already been established. You’re not helping anything at all !!!!

  15. He’s righty there were 4 republicans on stage. Biden Harris butigeg and that other white guy. No ones fooled by the blue ties

  16. When you dumb down education from k thru 12 grade ,forget college level for the last 20 years then attach a cell phone to there face , what would you expect other than a very dumbed down population, and those that say hell I never went to school , take another hit on your meth pipe

  17. Click bait.. there was literally nothing about the debate in this, even though there were some excellent opportunities for some punchlines.. I thought for sure there would be a shot or two at some of the obviously ridiculous moments. This is the problem.. we're too worried about taking rib shots at our own candidates when they have no answer, or a terrible Idea. DO IT! It's how we're supposed to weed out the posers.

  18. The first thing Biden will do as president is defeat Trump! No other candidates have made that claim; they all plan to let Trump keep running for president after they become president. Biden plans to March into the white house and chuck Norris Donald right outta there.

  19. So funny Seth. As far as Popeyes chicken sandwich that sounds like a plan, rather than pay 1000 dollars for their sandwich or like the guy who is suing for them running out of their chicken sandwich, ridiculous.

  20. This kind of crap is getting old. Try to be funny about something else. Stand on a corner and maybe you might, and this would be stretching it a lot, you might get some pocket change. Let's face it, you're a washed up old ass hole.

  21. Polls are NO GOOD for predicting the Electoral College, but it is great for the Popular Vote. So, just like with Hillary, there's no guarantee Biden will win the Electoral College. It's just best that every American able to vote, votes and live with the results.

    Are American Voters really willing to elect a Corporate Democrats over a Progressive/Socialist who's words, actions and policies have never comeback to bite them. When are American Voters going to learn, to stop voting on what they believe, instead of facts and logic. I for one am sick and tired of the 1%ers getting richer while the Middle-Class continue to disappear and the Working-Poor suffers.

    President Obama was insulted, disrespected and attacked for 8 years, while helping every American no matter their race, age, gender, class, religion or Political Party. Followed by American Voters allowing Trump to be elected after campaigning on ending everything President Obama did for all Americans, so I wouldn't be surprise if President Obama stay clear of the 2020 election or Politic period. If Biden wins, nothing will change for the Middle-Class and Working-Poor, since Biden is a Corporate Democrat. Bernie Sanders is a better choice for an honest Politicians. I find it sad that some Americans are willing to vote for Biden simply because he was President Obama's Vice President and hoping somehow they will get Obama back as well. Americans voting based on their feelings, instead of policies, facts, logic and what's best for all Americans, no matter their race, class, age, gender, religion or political party is what got us in the mess we are in today.

  22. Still unfunny Seth. Remember, we have Trump in office cause of you and Obama fucking with him at that associates dinner. You are the cause. Never forget buddy

  23. Breaded chicken, deep fat fried, then placed in a bun – what kind of calorie count and grams saturated fat does one of these belly busters come with?

  24. the gerrymandering joke could have been so much better if they showed Biden as one of the Republicans…because he's basically a Republican at this point

  25. Trump will be gone in 2020, He knows it, The GOP know it, and the Democrats know it. Only the 36% trumpettes left still "dont" know it.

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