Thanksgiving-Politics & Diets – WTF?

Hello InnerTubers and Happy Thanksgiving. Here we are, just 2-1/2 weeks past the most
fucked up election this country has ever seen. You know, I’m not having any family coming
this year, so I invited a bunch of friends. And I thought that my most pressing problem
would be figuring out a seating chart. You know, I would have a Blue Table for doing
emails and losing them, and I would have a Red Table for grabbing pussy, and I would have a
fucking table out on the patio for all the independents, because, you know, they can
solve every fucking problem we have. But, you know what? That is not my biggest issue. So, as I was getting ready to have everybody
come for dinner, the RSVPs started coming in. First, I got some emails. One person said, “Oh, I’m on a very tight
schedule that day, because I’m going to see my grandmother in the morning, and I’m going
to see my ex’s family in the evening, so I could come if you’re having dinner in the
middle of the afternoon.” WHATTHEFUCK! You’re gonna eat THREE meals? That’s just being greedy. Then I has another one from someone who said,
“I have to work all day. And I probably l can’t make it on time for
dinner, but I would love it if you would save me a plate of leftovers.” Leftovers. Sure. Yeah, I can do that. Of course! I had another one that said, “Oh, I’m on
a low-sodium diet. So, I’ll be sure to ask you about every dish
on the table – make sure I don’t exceed my daily sodium capacity.” If you don’t want to come to dinner, and you
don’t wanna eat what I’m serving, then eat at home and then just come, and we’ll play
games. [giggle] Won’t that be fun? One of the strangest phenomenons lately is
to send someone a video email, or a video mail, it’s like video voice mail? What do you call it? “Granny, it’s Phil. Hi, and SIlvie. I’m a vegetarian. Yes, and I’m gluten-free, okay?” Thanksgiving. Vegetarian and gluten-free. Got it. It’s on the list. “Hey, Granny. It’s Adam. Just a teensy little reminder that I’m lactose-intolerant. You do know what that is, right?” Lactose-intolerant. Of course. What a way to fuck up the mashed potatoes. Sure, just for you. I’ll make a special bowl. Miserable, boring, mashed potatoes. Oh, and I made some brand new pals at the
mall. The cutest couple ever. They were in matching hats and sweaters. Yeah, they’re coming for dinner and I don’t
even fucking know who they are. That’ll be fun. “Hey, Granny. Can’t wait to see you. We’re really excited to come to Thanksgiving,
but just remember that we both don’t eat meat off bones, so all the meat that we will eat
will actually have to be served on a plate, sliced. And I have a long list of allergies.” [giggles] No meat on the bone, and a long
list of allergies. Sure, Granny’s all over that. Fuck yeah. I wonder . . . do these people live in a bubble
at home? “It’s Christine. We have nut allergies. Don’t forget. Can’t wait.” Nut allergies. Yeah. You got it. Uh, scratch the pecan pie. Oh boy. Speaking of nuts, I heard from Terence, “Just
a little reminder that I’ve gone paleo, you know? And I heard from Dominic. “Oh, hi. Thanks for the invite. So, I’m gonna bring Mike and he’s on a special
paleo diet.” I’m about to lose my shit over this. Paleo! I did a lot of research on that, and looked
in every cookbook, and then I went to the internet. I googlied it. Hunt – Fish – or, Find. They eat like fucking cavemen! Oh, this oughta be fun. So their hunt-fish-find – that – that scratches
out brussels sprouts. Well, I don’t like them anyway. And it probably scratches out green bean casserole. And, fuck yeah. That excites me, ’cause I hate that shit. It looks and tastes like vomit. All these dietary restrictions are giving
me some sort of palpitations. I just don’t know how I’m going to pull this
off, but you know I will. Just a moment, I’ll take you into the kitchen
and I’ll show you. And, voila. A lovely plate of organic parsley, and a lovely
quartered organic apple. We’ll drizzle on a little extra-virgin olive
oil (never had sex). Yeah. And a little sea salt. Sprinkle a little sea salt. Oh, this is gonna be the tits. Happy Thanksgiving. Granny loves you. [Subscribe to Granny PottyMouth.]

  1. Great video! very funny.
    Hope you're having a great holiday despite Cousin Eddy gets the runs from the lack of fiber now that the green bean casserole is off the menu!

  2. granny potty mouth I love you you have the funniest woman on the planet kudos to you 71 years Young and I've never laughed more then when I watch your videos please continue to make as many as possible seriously you make my day and my night I haven't laughed this hard in years and believe me I need to laugh great job granny potty mouth I really do love you

  3. granny potty mouth I'm 48 I was saying you are 71 years Young and you are one of the funniest women I have ever listened to you are absolutely amazing God bless you woman keep me laughing please I desperately need to Laugh In My Life thank you again you are the greatest I wish you were my grandma

  4. I wish food network would consider haveing you your own show tv would be worth watching so i subscribe to both your channel cant wait to see more

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