Prison Architect: Communist Gulag Edition

oh hey guys welcome to something completely different yes that's right we're playing main menu aah aah that was actually a joke we're not playing main menu because that's not a game instead we're going to be playing prison architect and of course you may be asking hey what exactly is prison architect all about I don't know because I'm a complete fucking idiot you ever been to prison oh you have congratulations but when you're imprisoned we a bit confused wondering why you're now in a big building in your locks behind bars with a cellmate named big bear and the first thing Big Bear saves you is the hello howdy there partner would you like to know how I snuck this bottle of Lube into prison well let me show you big bear's hand thoroughly placed in your anus you were probably wondering exactly how this prison came to be and who built it so let us go on a journey shall we of course starting off we need to choose exactly what type of gender prison we wants and of course I'm gonna go ahead and pick female mostly due to the fact I wasn't allowed to pick attack helicopters or fairies but I'm assuming if furries are naughty and goes to prison they probably should put them in the zoo right and now he needs to pick important who's going to be in charge of the president run the day-to-day management burn none of these are really strikingly yes oh there we go it's Jeremy Corbyn Chavez here we are in a post-industrial desolate hellhole of course you're probably already thinking is this the north of England and yeah you're probably is but don't you worry good old Jeremy Corbyn shops go to revitalize the north of England to create a new prosperous industry in the North called gulags wait did I say queue I meant prison rehabilitation centers are soft they were gonna have to circle off the teeth of the governments and guess it ground so boys we don't have much in the way of money inmate health and well-being that's not gonna go well with a GU we've got to put them to work for God's sake and here we go it's the man of the hour himself it's mr. Gorbachev and here we go he's already overseeing the construction of the new prison which looks a lot like an office block are you trying to tell me something here perhaps some deeper Chi message about having to be a slave to the working system never to break free from the chains of capitalism and office blocks Jeremy oh there we go a little office blocks down and girl'd kobish of himself is doing some research on finance that's that's not like Heuer anyway we need to get some power in this bad boy would you look at that an Isis of billions been telling we've even hired an african-american cook and a dam that might be a chopper Lester as well oh wait a second that's not a pedophile it's DJ killer keemstar hey now let me just say I'm very happy that you finally got over your hatred of black people also getting quite quite expansive over here even got toilets oh here we go our first prisoners have arrived we've got a nice variety here we've got Lane she was in for a griot aggravated burglary robbery Oh Vera crystal whales trafficking that's not that bad Clara's fees disorder and yeah indeed came I don't think I've goes jail guys we couldn't have Corbett shafts doing all the work so we've gone ahead and got ourselves a chief of security over here he's busy you know researching how to make the workers sorry the prisoners you know more secure ex fucking excuse me Gorbachev why do you have a fucking toilet in your office it's not even connected to the fucking plumbing oh sure fuck oh I'm gonna have to blur this out reminds me of some of those Japanese films I watched you know we've got it we've got a shower we've got a chief of security but we didn't have a wall that's right we gotta keep all those sneaky undesirables out I mean in a 40 though we can pin off the price of this wall on someone else so we're gonna have to we're gonna have to make some money up somehow yeah money situations not doing that grape I have got a very good idea of accepting 80 prisoners now you might think that's a bad idea considering I have room for four prisoners but just bear with me all right bear with me Oh No that toilet looks fucking use comments of all those 80 prisoners why the fuck are they all naked in the reception those holding a fucking baby put your clothes on so it's a great question why is this bring your babies to prison day four right why are they here so a bit bad news you know that whole 84 prisoners and full actual cells to hold them it's not going too well they're quite a few dead bodies everyone's escaping and it's going great it's going great it's oh there's another one trying to escape get a beer but chutes attack Oh for fuck's sake the gods are so fucking fat and slow Oh fuckin congrats guys you fuck it this is not the core batch of dream all right Oh for fuck's sake guys there's literally menstrual blood all over the holding still cause she fucking hold it in so you know a lot of people are angry anyway so we've got a mission to find some illegal narcotics so hurry buzz we'll make them just a little bit more angry so the prison starting to look pretty good now the walls have finished we didn't get to finish all those narcotics our flow the holding cells getting very dirty why are they closed why are they just closed on the fucking floor so I scratch that did I say things were going cuz well you know all those mothers that were just hanging around in reset they just all fucking exploded into blood with their babies dead babies all over reception now for fuck's sake Jesus Christ why are all the guards just ignoring it someone clean the fuck it caught you're still the fucking toilet fuck's sake Arvid we're bad news for this gardener he's accidentally become an inmate because he's boarded himself into this part of the prison so I'm just have fun in there I suppose uh-huh we've done it we've managed to convince the state so let us incarcerate babies and make them into workers in the gulag I really like this baby as you can see it's also a fucking ghost probably one from one of those dead babies that blew up in reception no that's a good buffer as you can see we had someone tunnel out so I've decided to get some fucking dogs well if that wasn't enough I've gone ahead and created a small army over here to inspire people's work ethic and if they attempt to escape it stop running around without dark it's tired too poor puffer I hear bad news bitter riot under way but don't worry with our armed guards on now good old rent a riot guard will have it down in no time oh here they are to enforce the rights political ideals oh no lies riots already been squashed and by squashed I kind of mean I think they're yeah that one's – I think my guards might have killed them all but hey it's under and outside you don't have to pay you guys built a more Cano we've got a kudos one of the dead prisoners here and they were they were convicted for assaulting an officer which is quite funny because that's also the way they got fucking killed you know it's so good at least the dogs have got something to eat for the next few weeks so I found another tunnel and unfortunately as you can see I have no money so I force of a great idea how about I accept a hundred of fifty for prisoners and accept the money for them have no room to put them anywhere but it went alright last time didn't it maybe we killed quite a few people there just noticed something in the official gulag workshop over here there there appears to be a prisoner getting sawed in half lookee here look Gorbachev Scott it's got a girl over saerom the fun today oh I've done for a soul as well maybe you should show her the toilet hey she'd love it for fuck's sake those are nervous no this is not happening again oh no korban your office is so doing you're taking naked pictures of your server just leaving them on the floor for fuck's sake of a bit bad news of his Corbin's news leaks and they've they're so goddamn hot they've set a fire in the canteen it's probably looks a lot worse I mean it's definitely cleaner than cos old Corbett shafts office ants for sure so it's been locked away in his office as you can see doing a lot of work and research and how to deal with the prison overpopulation problem so these come up he's come up with an idea so a Corbin apparently wants more prisoners not entirely sure why Versailles I guess I can't question the guy after he built that big shower wait a second so uh I might have accidentally put some landmines around the around the prison and when the prisoners get off the trucks yeah they cut they cut they're on fire oh my fucking guys go VIN you monster they're all dying oh fuck okay bad bad news bears the land mines kind of spread that they spread the fire there's there's so many goddamn people in there okay I don't know I was a fireman I getting off the fucking fire truck oh fuck the parole officers here he's gonna fucking tattle on us the bitch no guys it's oh no the lawyer guys light the fire oh shit oh fuck cool been stuck in it is office get again the toilet hide in the toilet so things are going quite well just a quick update there's a lot of fucking traffic outside a lot of dead bodies the fireman won't get out the fucking truck though this part of Prisons find that I'll Corbin zarvas office now he's just taking a nice minute to remember all the good times he had in the office with the toilet at the time he took naked photos and left them around and prison I feel like this is going to get me in a lot of trouble really I think I've murdered a lot of people why not why so shake down the prison to fight over valuables and a call been staring at SRI I'll take your fucking time guy he's comin hard half the prison's already gone yeah that's fine just put out that little bit of fire when the rest of the prison's burning no the fires the fire spread to the cell blocks where if people were safe at her oh no one of my god yeah this that's definitely making the news oh fuck oh that's good it looks like Corbin's tired so just taking a quick nap behind the tree meanwhile the fires almost gone now I think your medics I think you're a bit late they're all they're all dead who's gonna clean this fucking mess up oh no the CEOs calling me he's probably gonna wonder why there's so much dead people around yesterday was a very dark chapter for the histories I think make sure nobody else dies 500 people yeah I didn't go well I killed an extra five people which got me input put in my own prison which you'd think the 500 before that would have cut me put in prison but then I goes those five people they just put it over the over the fucking top so you know since the prison burned down I now just stuck here indefinitely so yes I hope you enjoyed the video remember to leave an up like share with your friends and post it up you read it you dickheads also for the people asking about the Yogscast collaboration don't ask me go ask Terps on twitter at the Terps

  1. 11:42 For someone called “Asbestos Face,” she sure didn’t live up to her name after being set on fire…

  2. Where the fuck do you uneducated, degenerate Youtubers get the idea that Corbyn is a communist/stalinist? Unless you have the brain capacity of an average Faux News viewer, sure, otherwise he's merely a social democrat.

  3. North of England…a Communist independent Scotland? Just a joke lol no offense intended to British peopel

  4. There is no difference between American prisons and Gulags gulag to my knowledge means prison the only difference is gulags are in Siberia
    They both have very long wait times not to mention the overly complicated process of reintegration yes some people left the gulags

  5. Correctional officer: Worker, we need you to clean something

    Inmate worker: okay give me a sec gets mop and bucket

    Correctional officer: follow me walks to scene of fire with blood everywhere have fun with that.

  6. saying it was the north of england you were wrong it is like that but with a greggs and a asda lidl and home bargins

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