Donald Trump’s Post-Election Compromises: The Daily Show


Despite the fervent
hashtags on your Twitter feed, Donald Trump is, unfortunately, still officially
president-elect, which means
two things have to happen. One– we need more hashtags. (laughter) -Hashtag more hashtags,
that’s right. -(laughter) Hashtag more, people. And two– while waiting
for the hashtags to work, now might also be a good time
to learn what Donald Trump’s plans are
for the country, because somehow,
during an 18-month campaign, -we never actually asked.
-(laughter) We never actually asked
policy questions. You realize there are
so many things we don’t know. We don’t even know what the “J”
in Donald J. Trump stands for. -(laughter) -A lot of people
don’t know this, but it actually stands (with Spanish pronunciation):
for “Jesus,” yeah. -(laughter)
-It’s a lot of self-loathing. But last night, luckily, from deep within
King Midas’s rectum, Donald Trump finally sat down for his first interview
as president-elect. And I think it was fitting
that he went with60 Minutes,because this sound… (clock ticking) -…sounded like America was
running out of time. -(laughter) On election night, I heard
you went completely silent. Was it a sort of -realization…
-I think so. -…of the enormity of this
thing for you? -I think so. It’s enormous. I’ve done a lot of big things. I’ve never done anything
like this. It is… it is so big. It is so, um… It’s so enormous.
It’s so amazing. Kind of just took your breathe
away, couldn’t talk. A little bit, a little bit. And I think, um, I realized that this is a whole different
life for me now. Well, now you know
howwefeel, Donald. (laughter) You’re really surprised that the job of president
of the United States of America is mildly different from selling
real estate and meat? -You’re surprised by that?
-(laughter) “This is a whole different life
for me now.” After applying
for the job for two years, you shouldn’t approach it
with the same amount of wonder that Jasmine did inAladdin.-That’s not what you do.
-(laughter) Trump’s there like, ♪ A whole different life
for me now ♪ ♪ No one to tell me no
or where to go. ♪ -(laughter)
-Now don’t get me wrong. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that Donald Trump
should downplay the gravity of the job of president,
but it would be nice if he had an inkling
of what he actually had to do. Because I get it. The peopled wanted
someone fresh. And if the people wanted someone
who could have come in and known
how to dot job right away, they would have elected
Hillary Clinton. Instead, we got someone who
walks around The White House like a toddler
at a space museum. -(like toddler): “What’s this?
What’s this?” -(laughter) “What’s this?
Can I push it? I like this statue.” (imitating man):
“Uh, sir, that’s Mike Pence.” -“Oh.”
-(laughter) Because, um,
correct me if I’m wrong. If you had just become
president of the United States, and leader of the free world, what is the one thing you might
no longer be focused on? Are you going
to be tweeting, and… whatever you’re upset about,
just put out there? -So…
-When you’re president? It’s a modern form
of communication. Between Fa… you know,
Facebook and Twitter, and I guess Instagram,
I have 28 million people. -28 million people.
-So you are going to keep it up? I think I picked up yesterday
100,000 people. -Who is this guy?
-(laughter) He’s bragging that he picked up
100,000 followers yesterday? No, dude, you’re going to be
president of the United States. -You picked up 300 million
followers. -(laughter) And we can’t block,
mute or unfollow you. But we can still troll you, and
we are going to troll you hard. (applause and cheering)
-Hashtag, #hashtagmore. Hashtag #hashtagmore. Now one of the reasons
this interview was so important is that since Trump’s victory, America has been grappling
with the reported rise in hate crimes against Muslims,
Hispanics, black people, basically everyone
not wearing a red cap. But it appears that Donald Trump
has been so consumed with Twitter that he hasn’t had
a chance to check Twitter. LESLEY STAHL:Mr. Trump said
he had not heard about some of
the acts of violence that are
popping up in his name.
I’m very surprised to hear that.
I would… -STAHL: Telling Muslims…
-I hate to hear that. I mean, I hate to hear that. -But youdohear it.
-I don’t hear it. Do you want to say anything
to those people? I would say, don’t do it.
That’s terrible. I am so…
saddened to hear that. And I say stop it
if it… if it helps. I will say this, and I’ll say it
right to the camera. Stop it. (laughter) “Now… frisk it.” (laughter) Donald Trump is truly a genius,
people, ’cause I can tell you, whatever I was doing,
when I saw this, I stopped. (laughter) Maybe… maybe that’s
his secret plan to beat ISIS. He’s just gonna look them in the
camera and say “ISIS, stop it.” (laughter) -“Illegal immigrants, stop it.”
-(laughter) -“Stop signs, you do you…”
-(laughter) “…which involves stopping it.” I think it’s nice that Donald Trump denounced hate
crimes performed in his name. But why do I feel like
he’s going to find out what it it’s like
to tell someone to stop, but they still keep going,
you know? And as an immigrant, it’s obvious that I would be
wary of Donald Trump. And as a black person,
it’s obvious that I would be wary
of Donald Trump. But after this interview,
I feel like there’s a new group who should be worried
about the Trump presidency, and that’s Donald Trump
supporters. Because he built his entire
campaign on three main things: build a wall, lock her up, drain the swamp. Phrases that sound less
like a campaign promise and more like options in a
Choose Your Own Adventure
book. But still, a lot of people voted
for Donald Trump because of those promises. Especially “build a wall.” If he was Michael Jackson,
the wall was hisThriller.And just like Michael Jackson, he’s starting
to moonwalk away from it. Are you really
gonna build a wall? -Yes.
-They’re talking about a fence -in the Republican congress.
-Sure. -Would you accept a fence?
-Uh… for certain areas, I would. I’m sorry, wait, wh…
wait, what just happened there? Did that guy just negotiate
himself from a wall to a fence? What just happened there?
No, no, no, I’m sorry. Because as a Trump supporter, I would not be impressed
with that. I signed up for a wall! No one talks about
the “great fence of China.” No one talks
about the great series of barrier restrictions
of China. No! We want a wall! Imagine Mexico.
Mexico must be like, “Yo, “our currency crashed
because of that wall. You better build it, man!” Humpty Dumpty’s like,
“What the (bleep), Donald! “I can’t sit on a fence! I’m not Paul Ryan!” (laughter, cheering) -(applause)
-Oh, and… and by the way, by the way,
if you voted for Trump because you thought
that no matter what he would send Hillary to prison,
well, uh, bad news, bro. Are you going to ask
for a special prosecutor to investigate Hillary Clinton
over her e-mails? Well, I’ll tell you
what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna think about it.
She did some bad things. -I mean, she did … -I know,
but a special prosecutor? -I don’t want to hurt them.
-Do you think you might… I don’t want to hurt them. They’re-they’re good people. (laughter, groans) W-Wait. The Clintons
are good people?Goodpeople?
Not neutral people.Goodpeople.
Not even, like, okay people. You went straight
togoodpeople… from this? Hillary Clinton… commonly referred to
as “Crooked Hillary…” She’s crooked
as a three-dollar bill. She should be in prison. She’s the queen of corruption. She’s a disaster. She’s a dangerous liar… -She’s the devil.
-She’s a monster. (laughter) Wow. From “the devil”
to “good people.” That must have been one hell
of a fruit basket she sent him. (laughter) Damn, Donald. Donald Trump got elected based
on a lot of campaign promises, and less than a week later
he’s dropping them like they’re a woman
who just turned 45. -(laughter, groans)
-If you… if you voted for Trump’s wall… now there’s a good chance
you may not be getting it. If you voted
about Hillary Clinton, well, that she-devil
is set to roam free. But at least
there’s still one thing Donald Trump also promised
his people– to crack down
on the corruption– lobbyists, who he said were
running Washington, remember? “Drain the swamp.” Your own transition team
is filled with lobbyists. It’s the only people
you have down there. Everybody’s a lobbyist
down there. That’s what they are–
they’re lobbyists -to special interests.
-On your own transition team. We’re trying to clean up
Washington. Look… -How can you clean…
-Everything… everything down there…
there are no people. We’re doing a lot of things
to clean up the system, but everybody
that works for government, they then leave government and they become a lobbyist,
essentially. I mean, the whole place,
it’s one big lobbyist. (laughs): Get the (bleep)
out of here, man. No, you promised, you promised
that you would rid Washington of special interests influence.
You said that. You said you
would “drain the swamp.” Now you’re bringing the swamp
into
the White House? How is that fixing the problem?
It’s like… it’s like if your toilet
was backed up, so you hire a guy to come
to your house to unclog it. He takes a look,
and then he goes, “Hmm, hmm. “There’s, uh, too much (bleep)
in this toilet. “We need to drain this toilet. “There’s only one way
to fix this. Mmm… mmm… mmm…” (applause, laughter) -(cheering)
-And you know what’s crazy is… you’re looking at him like,
hey, man, you just made it worse!
What kind of a plumber are you? And he’s like (like Trump):
Who said I was a plumber? I’m an outsider.




Comments
  1. Not trying to change minds. But admit this is funnier the heck. Especially the "I like this statue. Ah,sir,that's the Vice President,sir."

  2. What an asshole!! Sorry America, What were you thinking?

    The idiot should have stayed a Business man and left politics to someone else!!

  3. TROLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 You. can't. make. this. shit. up!

  4. My big toe would be a better president than Trump. I know you think I'm joking, but think about it. My big toe wouldn't scrap any of the work that Obama did, it wouldn't set any bad legislation, it wouldn't be able to say anything racist, homophobic, sexist, or mock the disabled and it would be less of an eye saw!!!! JK …. sort of….

  5. "ISIS, stop it. Illegal immigrants, stop it. Stop signs, you do you……which involves stopping it."

    – Trevor Noah

  6. oh Trevor you're killing me.i have laughed so much my face has a permanent smile.and it hurts but I want more,MOOOORE

  7. http://www.jagsuk.com/
    http://www.jagsuk.com/Home-and-Garden
    http://www.jagsuk.com/electronics-and-computers
    http://www.jagsuk.com/Apparel
    http://www.jagsuk.com/clearance

  8. The worst part is that even after he blatantly drops every single promise he made, his supporters will still just blindly follow his every move

  9. 1:30 You know. Someone competent would've went with "It was humbling", but appearantly Trump can't even go for the cheap shot.

  10. We already have a fence and some of it's a wall. People build tunnels under the damn thing. There is an HBO documentary about.it that you can watch for free via YouTube.
    People are so stupid
    Hillary was corrupt as hell too. Bernie was our only hope.

  11. Normally people have dark circles under their eyes, but no, not Donal trump he has under circles that are lighter than his orange tan. Tbh it's so funny 😂

  12. I was surprised that Trevor Noah didn’t say “that’s what she said” after trump started saying something was so big and that he couldn’t breath.

  13. Use that fucking money to help poor people in the US not to build a fucking wall…Man have you ever heard about tunnels…Donald J. Trump I don't have anything personal with you but I don't get your idea about THE WALL…What is this a Chinese movie!

  14. Its realy big … its very (thinking of a synonym of big, and the only one he could come up with is the one the interviewer used in her question) enormous. He is a MORON !

  15. It's really worthwhile to go back two years to see what was happening then. Now compare that with today, October 4, 2019. Scary, huh? We actually elected this buffoon to be the president.?? WTF?

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