2018 Midterms Elections – Monologue


-Okay, so,
let’s get to the news. Welcome to “Late Night.”
We are live tonight. And when has that
ever gone wrong for NBC? [ Laughter ] That’s right.
It’s Election Night, and “Late Night” can now project
that bourbon has defeated Xanax. NBC News is projecting
that Republican senator Ted Cruz has beat Democratic candidate
Beto O’Rourke. Oh, no.
You know what that means. Please! No, Ted! Don’t smile!
No, no, no! [ Laughter ] [ Applause ] According to
“The New York Times,” President Trump hosted
a small reception with his friends tonight
to watch the election results. From 2016. “Remember that night?
What a great night. They said I couldn’t do it,
and I…” According to reports,
voters in Georgia had to wait hours in line
to cast their ballots after it was discovered
that power cords were not provided
for voting machines in a primarily
African-American neighborhood. Wow. I knew Brian Kemp would try to strip black people
of the power to vote, but I didn’t know
he would literally take away their power to vote. [ Cheers and applause ] Ivanka Trump tweeted a video
today encouraging people to vote saying, “Don’t let
the rain stop you.” And Democratic voters responded. ♪♪ “People” Magazine
has named actor Idris Elba as its 33rd annual
Sexiest Man Alive. [ Cheers and applause ] I’m happy to announce
that I was voted Also Alive. [ Laughter ] No small thing.




Comments
  1. Beto didn't stand a chance in a state full of toothless cousin-pumping racist Christian paedophiles. He most certainly will fare better in his 2020 Presidential run.

  2. Trump: Don’t vote Democrat, they want to obliterate Obamacare…uhhhhhh….which is good, but they will keep the bad parts.

    Anyone who is still under the impression that Trump is a genius who is playing multidimensional chess is fooling themselves. He is an idiot and a pathological liar.

  3. As I predicted, there was no "blue wave," which was just so much hype created by news networks to up their viewership with some contrived drama. The wave turned out to mostly be Democratic candidates losing by smaller margins than in 2016. But at least we can all bask in the realization that racism is alive and well in Georgia and the panhandle of Florida (which culturally is just more south Georgia).

  4. That moron Ted couldn't beat his way out of a brown sack, and trust me, no one wants him to. The ONLY way he could have won is severe cheating in some way or another. Beto OBVIOUSLY won, and this is appalling. Texans need to DEMAND a recount, because this is blatantly untrue. Florida too.

  5. Bang bang they shot him down, bang bang they hit the clown, bang bang the Trump will lose his crown. This is a happy day! Europe celebrates with USA

  6. as long we have some power to protect mueller's investiagtion (what ever the result may be), i'm happy. If the republicans had maintained control over the house also, then they would go into overdrive to destroy mueller's investigation, not to say that they still won't try

  7. The failure for the “blue wave” to materialize makes me think we will be stuck with the ¢hump fascist regime for another 20 years.

  8. Georgia Governor's Election Is Too Close To Call
    Voters may have to return to the polls on Dec. 4 for a runoff between Stacey Abrams and Brian Kemp.
    https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/stacey-abrams-brian-kemp-georgia-election_us_5be074fbe4b01ffb1d04c527

  9. Texas, Georgia, and Florida, can rot for all I care. Those ungrateful toothless cousin fucking racist dumbasses rather have no healthcare or medicare. Oh well they'll die faster.

  10. There are still too many stupid people in the U.S. who vote Republican! Some never learn!
    The stupidest country with a lying president!

  11. Dear People magazine
    You still aren't off the hook for Blake Shelton…
    In a world where Hugh Jackman, Jason Momoa, Michael B. Jordan, and Idris Elba exist…

  12. Trump won this election. Higheat turnout for a midterm in a while and they, dems still didnt win any of the most important or telling elections. Why is everyone so happy. The house is innefectual.

  13. That is the sexiest man alive?! I've seen better looking ordinary man standing in line at the grocery shop. He might be the sexiest black man alive but surely not of them all…

  14. Lol ok, Seth trying to act like he hasn't been named "sexiest man alive" by another major magazine or been mentioned in people for the same reason. x)

  15. As much as was hoping Beto would win, let's not lose sight of the fact that Texas hasn't had a Democratic senator since 1993 and that Ted won by 16 points in 2012. The fact Ted won by only 2 points is a big deal. And Beto's impact on Texas House and judicial appointments was huge for the Democrats.

    Next time, Beto! But keep fighting for the people! 🙌

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *